the unknown

do you ever feel like your drowning? literally sinking into a bottomless pit of despair. trying to grasp and reach for air but every attempt is for nothing because you slip further and further into the nothingness that is wrapping you up.

that's where I am at right now. drowning the unknown of my future, the unknown of everything.

here I am, roughly seven months since I graduated college and still without a job of any kind. still uncertain of what I am going to do with this degree I worked so hard to get.

here I am, longing to be in Ukraine. in a place where I can't understand 99% of the people I encountered due to the language barrier, but they loved me regardless. in a place where I felt Jesus moving.

where does God want me? where would my 'talents' be best used? if you could call them that. at this point in time, I look at what other graphic designers are doing and I look at my work, and then think that I will never be good enough to work anywhere as a graphic designer.

all I know is that I have to surrender everything I know and everything I am to Jesus. because the only way to be rescued from the drowning mess is when Jesus reaches down and pulls me out. and when I refuse to let myself be not 'good enough.' but I've been seeking for quite some time and I still don't know where I'm supposed to be or where I'm supposed to go or what I'm supposed to be doing. I must need a lesson in listening.



Psalm 143
A psalm of David

Lord, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.

For your name's sake, Lord, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.

the most wonderful time of the year

It's starting to be that time of the year. You know: CHRISTmas! We have successfully put up all our decor in the Whitlock household, and it is very merry & bright. And being an unemployed college graduate, I am still helping Miss Jodi Duncan when she needs me. Which has transitioned beautifully from weddings into decorating homes and businesses for the Christmas season. She is just as busy in this time of year as she is in the summer/fall with all her weddings. I am so thankful that she likes to have me around and that she likes to have my help. So even though I don't have a real job right this very moment, I do have a little bit of money available to me. 

Working on the balcony with Glo in Chandler, IN

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

welcome to Christmas-land at a home in Harrisburg

Christmas at Marion Mackies

Christmas wreath chandeliers at Marion Mackies

Christmas is also just one of my favorite times of the year in general. I love getting to spend time with my family. When the weather is cold, it's my favorite because I get to wear big bulky sweaters and chunky scarves. Speaking of sweaters & scarves, I would like to get some new ones soon. A shopping day is in my near future, probably after Christmas presents and Christmas are over. This will be my niece Hallee Jae's first Christmas which is super duper exciting. I can't wait to celebrate and do all kinds of fun stuff with her. I know she won't remember most of it, but that's beside the point. 

Hallee Jae waving to Aunt E

living with purpose

a couple of Sundays ago at church, my pastor talked God having a purpose for our lives. God created the heavens & the earth, and in that there was order and purpose. my pastor gave an overview of his life starting at birth, pretty much hitting the highest points. he encouraged us to do the same. because everything that has happened in our lives, has happened because God has a specific plan and purpose for our lives. nothing that happens goes without Him knowing. so here goes nothing.

the life & times of 

Evan Whitlock

I was born in 1990 in southwestern Indiana, but my family lived in southern Illinois. the town I was born in had the closest/nicest hospital to have a baby in when I was born. ever since then, I lived in the same old little bitty town with my parents and older brother.
we went to church about 7 miles from our house. we enjoyed going to church here, but all the kids went to a different school than me.
in 1995, I started kindergarten. school was my favorite. I was really good at it :)
January 1998, I accepted Christ as my Savior and I was baptized. I had grown up in a family of Christians, but I knew I had to make a decision for myself. even then, I wasn't quite sure what it meant.
fast forward to junior high, we had switched churches where I had more friends and the atmosphere was more of what we needed at the time. you could say I was athletic/outgoing: I was very involved in soccer, gymnastics & cheerleading with quite a large group of friends. within the two years of being in junior high, I lost four people very special to me: one close friend, two great-grandmas, and one young cousin. this was a very hard time in my life. at the time it seemed like the world was crashing down on me and God had abandoned me. God used that time to draw me closer to Him & to rely more Him.
then I went to high school, four years of soccer, studying, Christian friends, working hard to get into college.
I went to college in the same town I was born in with the intent to be a physical therapist, mostly because I knew they made a lot of money and because I was super skilled in science & math. but after two years of taking classes in my major, I realized that this career path was not meant for me. so after countless hours of prayer, I changed my major to graphic design, because art had always been one of my passions. while I was in college, I found some of the greatest friends ever through SCF (student christian fellowship). these people were incredible and I know God placed them in my life specifically to help me get along in school.
in the summer on 2011 between my junior and senior years, I went to Ukraine as a missions intern with CMF (christian missionary fellowship). here I learned about God's heart for other nations and how missionaries live and function. I felt like this was where I felt the most at touch with God.
this past spring, I graduated with my degree in Visual Communication Design basically graphic design. since then, I have been in a place of searching out God's will for my life.

I think God used everything in my life for a specific purpose and without every single thing that happened I wouldn't be where I am today. and even though some things weren't exactly pleasant and didn't go the way I would have planned, God had a plan and has yet to let me down. He is always there for me. I don't know where I'm going next, but God still has a plan and a purpose for me regardless.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

Jeremiah 29:11

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7

For God is not a God of disorder but of peace—as in all the congregations of the Lord’s people.
1 Corinthians 14:33