night of worship

Last night at church, we had a night of worship. It was a much needed time to spend in fellowship with my Lord. To be free to sit/stand/lay down/just be free in the presence of Jesus. Why shouldn't we give Him some undivided attention every once in awhile? He really deserves it all the time, but we can't focus for that long. We sang some songs that we hadn't sang in a while, with words that got me thinking about the majesty and glory of Jesus. It's always nice to be reminded of that. Letting the Holy Spirit fall. Man, it felt so good.


My God is BIG. My God is great. My God will stand when all else fades. He never ends. He was, is, and always will be. He stays by my side and never leaves me even when I run away. He is the healer and there is great power in His name. It's better to spend one minute in His presence than ten million elsewhere. He deserves nothing less than everything I have to give Him.


Yesterday, I lost a special lady in my life, my great-aunt Jackie, aka my old maid. When I was 8 or 9, my family went on a trip to Texas and she & I played the card game "Old Maid" the whole way. Since then, I've always called her that. She was a sweet lady that really loved Jesus. Lately she had been having some health issues, and was really ready to meet Jesus. Since I have really experienced the Lord and have a relationship I have hope. There is a plan and a purpose for everything under heaven. I no longer question why things happen. I know she is no longer hurting and she gets to be with Jesus. In reality, she is the lucky one. She will always be special to me, and will always have a special place in my heart.

Aunt Jackie & Grandma Freda (a few years ago at Aunt Jackie's birthday party)

the unknown

do you ever feel like your drowning? literally sinking into a bottomless pit of despair. trying to grasp and reach for air but every attempt is for nothing because you slip further and further into the nothingness that is wrapping you up.

that's where I am at right now. drowning the unknown of my future, the unknown of everything.

here I am, roughly seven months since I graduated college and still without a job of any kind. still uncertain of what I am going to do with this degree I worked so hard to get.

here I am, longing to be in Ukraine. in a place where I can't understand 99% of the people I encountered due to the language barrier, but they loved me regardless. in a place where I felt Jesus moving.

where does God want me? where would my 'talents' be best used? if you could call them that. at this point in time, I look at what other graphic designers are doing and I look at my work, and then think that I will never be good enough to work anywhere as a graphic designer.

all I know is that I have to surrender everything I know and everything I am to Jesus. because the only way to be rescued from the drowning mess is when Jesus reaches down and pulls me out. and when I refuse to let myself be not 'good enough.' but I've been seeking for quite some time and I still don't know where I'm supposed to be or where I'm supposed to go or what I'm supposed to be doing. I must need a lesson in listening.



Psalm 143
A psalm of David

Lord, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.

For your name's sake, Lord, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.

living with purpose

a couple of Sundays ago at church, my pastor talked God having a purpose for our lives. God created the heavens & the earth, and in that there was order and purpose. my pastor gave an overview of his life starting at birth, pretty much hitting the highest points. he encouraged us to do the same. because everything that has happened in our lives, has happened because God has a specific plan and purpose for our lives. nothing that happens goes without Him knowing. so here goes nothing.

the life & times of 

Evan Whitlock

I was born in 1990 in southwestern Indiana, but my family lived in southern Illinois. the town I was born in had the closest/nicest hospital to have a baby in when I was born. ever since then, I lived in the same old little bitty town with my parents and older brother.
we went to church about 7 miles from our house. we enjoyed going to church here, but all the kids went to a different school than me.
in 1995, I started kindergarten. school was my favorite. I was really good at it :)
January 1998, I accepted Christ as my Savior and I was baptized. I had grown up in a family of Christians, but I knew I had to make a decision for myself. even then, I wasn't quite sure what it meant.
fast forward to junior high, we had switched churches where I had more friends and the atmosphere was more of what we needed at the time. you could say I was athletic/outgoing: I was very involved in soccer, gymnastics & cheerleading with quite a large group of friends. within the two years of being in junior high, I lost four people very special to me: one close friend, two great-grandmas, and one young cousin. this was a very hard time in my life. at the time it seemed like the world was crashing down on me and God had abandoned me. God used that time to draw me closer to Him & to rely more Him.
then I went to high school, four years of soccer, studying, Christian friends, working hard to get into college.
I went to college in the same town I was born in with the intent to be a physical therapist, mostly because I knew they made a lot of money and because I was super skilled in science & math. but after two years of taking classes in my major, I realized that this career path was not meant for me. so after countless hours of prayer, I changed my major to graphic design, because art had always been one of my passions. while I was in college, I found some of the greatest friends ever through SCF (student christian fellowship). these people were incredible and I know God placed them in my life specifically to help me get along in school.
in the summer on 2011 between my junior and senior years, I went to Ukraine as a missions intern with CMF (christian missionary fellowship). here I learned about God's heart for other nations and how missionaries live and function. I felt like this was where I felt the most at touch with God.
this past spring, I graduated with my degree in Visual Communication Design basically graphic design. since then, I have been in a place of searching out God's will for my life.

I think God used everything in my life for a specific purpose and without every single thing that happened I wouldn't be where I am today. and even though some things weren't exactly pleasant and didn't go the way I would have planned, God had a plan and has yet to let me down. He is always there for me. I don't know where I'm going next, but God still has a plan and a purpose for me regardless.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

Jeremiah 29:11

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7

For God is not a God of disorder but of peace—as in all the congregations of the Lord’s people.
1 Corinthians 14:33

invisible bridge

so I don't know how many of you have seen Indiana Jones, but we used to watch them all the time when I was a kid.
and this particular one came up today.
during senior "disorientation," a fun time with SCF seniors and leaders to get ready for the real world, we talked about how scary graduation is and life after college.
my friend Trevor compared this last semester as the challenges leading up to the actual graduation.
you know all the things that are to come: tests, homework, projects, etc.
but it pretty much looks like a cliff at the end.
you don't really know what to expect next.
it looks like you might just fall off and die.
not we all hope that doesn't happen, but it just feels that way.
but once you get there, you have to take a step in faith, just like Indiana Jones did.
if you've got God on your side, He's not going to let you fall or fail.
just put all your hope in Him and He will be with you always.
just one tiny little step can make a difference, you'll realize you aren't falling.

this is definitely something I have struggled with.
as posted before, I don't know what I'll be doing after graduation.
but when I put my trust in Jesus, everything makes sense.
even if it isn't plain and clear right at first, or for what seems like forever.

"many are the plans in the mind of a man,
   but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." proverbs 19:21